A trend encouraging women to be «selfish»... and linking psychological stress to immune diseases

A controversial slogan has spread on social media platforms calling on women to stop constantly sacrificing themselves, using a shocking phrase: «Stop pleasing others... or you will get an autoimmune disease» or «Be selfish... or you will get an autoimmune disease».

Proponents of this idea base it on the notion that excessive people-pleasing causes chronic psychological stress that may negatively affect the body in the long term. Some users went as far as claiming that the constant pursuit of pleasing others is the main reason behind women's autoimmune diseases.

They point to a well-known scientific fact: about 80 percent of those with autoimmune diseases are women, a phenomenon that has puzzled scientists for years, according to a report published by Everyday Health.

On the other hand, some women are encouraged to prioritize their personal needs, not feel guilty when defending their rights or rejecting what exhausts them, and some even link this change to improvement in certain health issues, such as eczema.

But doctors emphasize that the relationship between chronic stress and autoimmune diseases is much more complex than these posts promote.

Why did this idea spread?

It is difficult to identify the source of this trend, but it reflects many women's dissatisfaction with social pressures that push them to be perpetually kind and prioritize others' needs over their own, regardless of the psychological or physical cost.

Dr. Rachel Gableman, a clinical psychologist at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, explains that many girls are raised with social messages encouraging calmness, obedience, and seeking others' approval.

She adds that this upbringing makes many women, over time, more inclined to avoid confrontation or demand what they actually need.

The tendency to please others accompanies women into adulthood

Research indicates that women are more inclined than men to try to please others.

Dr. Aaron Brennen, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Vanderbilt University, says that a person who habitually neglects their own needs for others often experiences high levels of stress.

He adds that the body is affected by psychological stress and trauma over time, as their effects accumulate gradually.

And because women are more susceptible to autoimmune diseases, some have tried to link these two phenomena.

Do studies support this hypothesis?

Some social media users cited scientific studies to support their point of view.

In one study published in 2021, the research included 290 women and assessed their tendency to suppress emotions or avoid expressing anger, then compared that with several health indicators.

The results showed that women who habitually suppressed their emotions were more likely to develop carotid atherosclerosis, a disease that is not a classic autoimmune disease but resembles them in some aspects.

A large study published in 2018 also showed that people suffering from stress-related disorders were more likely to later be diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, indicating a possible link between stress and these diseases.

«The relationship is not that simple»

Despite these results, doctors emphasize that saying the tendency to please others causes autoimmune diseases is an exaggerated conclusion.

Dr. Stanley Schwartz, head of the Division of Allergy, Immunology, and Rheumatology at the University at Buffalo, says that stress does affect the immune system, but autoimmune diseases usually result from a complex interaction of genetic, environmental, and other factors that are not yet fully understood.

Dr. Gableman warns that this type of message may lead women to feel guilty, as if they are responsible for their illness, stressing that this is scientifically incorrect.

Dr. Brennen also objects to using derogatory descriptions for women who express their opinions or defend their rights, as this perpetuates old stereotypes.

What is valid about this trend?

Despite exaggerations, experts believe that the core message advocated by this trend carries a correct aspect.

For excessive self-sacrifice is unhealthy, both psychologically and physically.

Dr. Brennen emphasizes the importance of setting healthy boundaries in relationships and clearly expressing what a person can do and what they cannot tolerate.

He advises regularly self-checking and asking whether one feels resentful because they constantly agree to meet others' requests at the expense of their own needs.

Conclusion

Chronic stress is indeed associated with an increased risk of several diseases, including some autoimmune diseases, but doctors emphasize that it is not the only factor, and there is no scientific evidence proving that the tendency to please others is the direct cause of these diseases.

Experts stress that defending personal needs and setting healthy boundaries do not mean acting aggressively or harshly, but rather represent an essential part of self-care and maintaining mental and physical health.