Joy of Condolences

2026-07-04T12:05:58.270Z

The article criticizes how some condolence gatherings have shifted from places of grief, reverence, and prayer for the deceased into noisy social occasions dominated by photography, banquets, boasting, and showing off, at the expense of the sanctity of the moment and genuine sorrow. The author offers a set of solutions to restore condolences to their proper religious and humane path, most notably: banning large banquets, prohibiting photography and broadcasting...

When someone we love dies, we grieve deeply depending on their closeness and the relationship we had with them. Death is a truth that shakes the soul, staggers the heart with its magnitude, and saddens sincere spirits.

Death, in human societies in general and Islamic societies in particular, remains an event of distress, terror, loss, and grief, yet at the same time a motivator, deterrent, and sermon for reflection, consideration, admonition, and repentance, and the beginning of responsibility in righteousness, benevolence, and loyalty to the deceased through good deeds offered to them, such as supplication and other practices established by the Sunnah.

It has been and remains the custom of our people to sit with the family of the deceased to console them and share their painful affliction in silence, dignity, deep grief, and sincere tears until they are comforted and forget, as humans do, and their lives resume.

But today you are shocked and surprised by the strange, repugnant, and detestable transformation in condolence gatherings. The prophetic traditions of condolence etiquette—bidding farewell to the deceased, praying for them, mentioning their virtues, merits, and good deeds, and a scene steeped in grief and the awe and power of death—have been stripped away, replaced by a scandalous, excessive, and corrupt celebration. They receive mourners with hidden joy through photography, live broadcasting, serving coffee, and offering lavish meals and sweets ('Mafatih' and 'Hala') out of pride, boastfulness, and obliviousness to the true purpose of the gathering. It is as if the deceased is saying: 'Did you rejoice and eat from your gathering to receive mourners??'

In these deviant cases, the dignity that death imposes is absent, and the gatherings turn into open clubs for worldly talk: one talks about his trade, another discusses real estate and money prices, and others engage in whispered laughter that breaks the solemnity of the occasion. They forget: 'Sufficient is death as a preacher.' You see pictures of handshakes and broad smiles as if the family is celebrating, to the point that sometimes a slip of the tongue says: 'Happy occasion' or 'Blessed hour, we saw you'?!!

This social condition reflects a worrying social and psychological dysfunction, where genuine grief is erased and replaced with 'the display of hollow false prestige'!!

They purchase praise and social standing at the expense of the deceased and the pain of his loss.

Eradicating this modern social innovation from a few people and restoring the feeling of condolence to its proper religious and humane path requires community cooperation and decisive treatment based on the following:

First: Firmness from family elders and community role models, by beginning treatment within the family circle. Family elders and its wise members should agree in advance and decisively to prevent holding large banquets ('Mafatih') at their funerals, and suffice with simple food prepared by close relatives for the bereaved family to ease their hunger and console them, while completely closing the door to excessive and scandalous displays that contradict the effects of loss and grief, which require repeating prayers for the deceased and remembering his virtues.

Second: Strict cessation of photography and broadcasting via various social media platforms. Photographers should be prohibited from entering, and phones should not be used to document condolence proceedings. A clear sign should direct every mourner to respect the privacy and dignity of the occasion. Condolence is solace for a broken heart, not digital content broadcast to increase views and publicize the heirs of the deceased at the expense of the sanctity of death's presence.

Third: Instituting 'hour-long condolences' and shortening the days:

Changing the temporal pattern of condolences helps to eliminate displays. Limiting the reception of mourners to only two or three hours in the evening (or simply offering condolences at the mosque, cemetery, and via communication means and social media) closes the door to the condolence gathering turning into a worldly club for side talk, whispered laughter, and sharing photos for fame and boasting.

Fourth: Directing the wasted funds from improper condolence displays towards an 'ongoing charity' (Sadaqah Jariyah) for the deceased, by systematically channeling them through official platforms (such as the Ehsan platform) as ongoing charity in the name of the deceased (providing water, building mosques, sponsoring orphans). This is the true righteousness and sincere loyalty that reaches his grave and benefits him.

Fifth: The awareness role of pulpits and education:

Rooting the Prophetic guidance on funeral etiquette through Friday sermons, media programs, and social gatherings, to remind people of the etiquette of funeral processions and attending condolences with the family of the deceased: that condolence is a sermon and consideration, solace and a reminder that the path for the living is one: life, then death, then resurrection and gathering, then Paradise or Hell.

Abdullah ibn Mas'ud (may Allah be pleased with him) saw a man laughing at a funeral and said: 'Do you laugh while you are at a funeral? By Allah, I will never speak to you again.'

O Allah, improve our end, rectify our affairs, and save us from the torment of this world and the disgrace of the Hereafter.