Infatuation is not love... but a type of obsessive attraction.

For 8 years, Jordan felt as if under a powerful spell. She had a casual relationship with a coworker, but despite not knowing him well, she was intensely attracted and certain he was her "soulmate." Jordan, 35, who asked not to use her full name for privacy, said: "I thought about him every day, all the time." She thought of him with every song lyric. She made excuses to contact him. She imagined detailed fantasies where they ended up together, as written by Melinda Wenner Moyer*.

50% of people experience it at least once.

Infatuation is romantic obsession.

Jordan's experience was intense, but not rare. Despite little research in this area, Tom Bellamy, a neuroscientist at the University of Nottingham in England, estimated that up to 50 percent of people experience this type of romantic obsession at least once in their lives. It is called 'infatuation' or 'limerence'.

What is infatuation?

Infatuation is a psychological state characterized by a deep longing for someone, obsessive and intrusive thoughts, compulsive behaviors, and an intense desire for emotional reciprocation, explained Orli Miller, a licensed psychologist in New South Wales, Australia. The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s, but it is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the diagnostic reference used in research, medical training, and clinical care.

While mere attraction is usually fleeting, infatuation can last months, years, or even decades, Miller said. It is also more intense. Interest or attraction turns into infatuation when it begins to negatively affect a person's ability to function, such as preventing them from working, sleeping, or eating, for example.

Infatuation is a subjective psychological experience based on fantasy and mystery, where the other person becomes a 'symbol'.

Infatuation is not love.

Infatuation is not love. Miller says that although both involve strong emotions, infatuation is a self-focused psychological experience, built on fantasy and uncertainty; the other person becomes a 'symbol: (You are the source of my happiness, you are the source of my completion),' as said by Albert Wakin, retired professor of psychology at Sacred Heart University in Connecticut.

Infatuation does not have to be romantic or sexual, explained Lyn Marshall, a psychologist who studies infatuation at the University of Chichester in England. Here is an example: Lili (46), a clinical social worker in Massachusetts, who said she recently felt strong feelings toward a friend. When that friend did not reply to her texts or emails, she felt despair. She said: 'It was so painful. I would wake up in the morning and start thinking about him, and go to sleep at night still thinking about him.' She also asked not to use her last name for privacy.

Compulsive drive

Infatuation involves a compulsive drive to seek signs of the other person's interest. Miller said: 'A fleeting thing (a glance, a text, a social media interaction) can be used to create detailed stories and narratives about whether that fleeting thing means rejection or reciprocation.'

Clinging to hope

In infatuation, the person hopes the other has feelings, but also doubts it. Abby Midcal, a psychologist based in California, says: 'Uncertainty is the fuel that keeps it going.' According to Bellamy, infatuation resembles addiction. When a person feels reciprocation, the brain registers it as a reward. If these rewards come unpredictably, it can increase the desire to continue seeking them.

Scientists have wondered whether some people are more prone to infatuation than others. One study suggests that adults with anxious attachment disorder - who have a fear of abandonment and often experienced emotionally unreliable care in childhood - are more likely than others.

People experiencing emotional infatuation are often anxious and may display compulsive and obsessive behaviors, but this does not necessarily mean they have generalized anxiety disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Breaking the spell

Although emotional infatuation usually causes unhappiness, it cannot be eliminated by mere wishing, Miller said. However, Bellamy noted that it may be helpful to notice and label compulsive behaviors when they arise, such as thinking: 'I want to text this person, and this is an overwhelming urge.' He also suggested focusing on the other person's flaws, or imagining what would happen if others discovered this infatuation.

He explained that the most effective way is to cut off contact with the other person, as then those intermittent urges will stop. But he added that this is not always possible, and certainly not easy.

Working with a therapist

Miller noted that working with a therapist knowledgeable about intense emotional attachment can be helpful. Cognitive behavioral therapy strategies may help. She explained that people often feel intense emotional attachment toward others who possess qualities they yearn for or have lost in themselves. In therapy sessions, they can learn to identify and meet these desires, transforming intense emotional attachment into a source of healing. Miller added: 'It can be a means of transformation and personal development.'

* The New York Times service