Trend Encourages Women to Be 'Selfish'... and Links Stress to Autoimmune Diseases

A controversial slogan has spread on social media platforms, urging women to stop constantly sacrificing themselves, using a shocking phrase: 'Stop pleasing others... or you will get an autoimmune disease' or 'Be selfish... or you will get an autoimmune disease.'

Proponents of this idea base it on the notion that excessive people-pleasing causes chronic psychological stress that can negatively affect the body in the long run. Some users have even gone so far as to claim that constantly seeking to please others is the main reason women develop autoimmune diseases.

They point to a well-known scientific fact: about 80% of people with autoimmune diseases are women—a phenomenon that has puzzled scientists for years, according to a report by Everyday Health.

In contrast, some women are encouraged to prioritize their own needs, not feel guilty when defending their rights, or refusing what exhausts them. Some even link this change to improvements in health problems like eczema.

But doctors emphasize that the relationship between chronic stress and autoimmune diseases is far more complex than these posts suggest.

Why did this idea spread?

It is difficult to pinpoint the source of this trend, but it reflects many women's dissatisfaction with social pressures that push them to be perpetually kind and prioritize others' needs over their own, regardless of the psychological or physical cost.

Dr. Rachel Gableman, a clinical psychologist at Ohio State University's Wexner Medical Center, explains that many girls are raised with social messages encouraging them to be quiet, obedient, and seek to please others.

She adds that this upbringing makes many women, over time, more inclined to avoid confrontation or ask for what they really need.

The tendency to please others accompanies women into adulthood.

Research indicates that women are more likely than men to try to please others.

Dr. Aaron Brennen, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Vanderbilt University, says that a person who habitually neglects their own needs for others often experiences high levels of stress.

He adds that the body is affected by psychological stress and trauma over time, as their effects accumulate gradually.

And because women are more susceptible to autoimmune diseases, some have tried to link these two phenomena.

Do studies support this hypothesis?

Some social media users have cited scientific studies to support their view.

In one study published in 2021, the research included 290 women and assessed their tendency to suppress emotions or avoid expressing anger, then compared that to several health indicators.

The results showed that women who habitually suppressed their emotions were more likely to develop carotid atherosclerosis, a disease not considered a classic autoimmune disease, but similar in some aspects.

A large study published in 2018 also showed that people with stress-related disorders were more likely to later be diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, suggesting a potential link between stress and these diseases.

'The relationship is not that simple'

Despite these findings, doctors emphasize that saying the tendency to please others causes autoimmune diseases is an exaggerated conclusion.

Dr. Stanley Schwartz, head of the Department of Allergy, Immunology, and Rheumatology at the University at Buffalo, says stress does affect the immune system, but autoimmune diseases usually result from a complex interaction of genetic, environmental, and other factors that are not yet fully understood.

Dr. Gableman warns that this type of message may lead women to feel guilty, as if they are responsible for their illness, stressing that this is scientifically incorrect.

Dr. Brennen also objects to using derogatory descriptions for women who express their opinions or defend their rights, as it perpetuates old stereotypes.

What is the impact of this trend?

Despite the exaggerations, experts believe the core message of this trend has a valid aspect.

Excessive self-sacrifice is not healthy, either psychologically or physically.

Dr. Brennen emphasizes the importance of setting healthy boundaries in relationships and clearly expressing what one can and cannot handle.

He advises regularly checking in with oneself and asking whether one feels resentful because they constantly agree to meet others' requests at the expense of their own needs.

Conclusion

Chronic stress is indeed associated with an increased risk of several diseases, including some autoimmune diseases, but doctors stress it is not the only factor, and there is no scientific evidence that the tendency to please others is the direct cause of these diseases.

Experts emphasize that defending personal needs and setting healthy boundaries does not mean acting aggressively or harshly, but rather represents an essential part of self-care and maintaining mental and physical health.